Tag: Work

Gender Inclusivity in the Workplace: What it is and How it Feels

For the last five years I have worked in the same environment. During this time, my husband came out as trans and I discovered my identity as a nonbinary person. I recently cut back on my hours at this job and started a different job. These two jobs are wildly different environments, types of work, levels of inclusion, and effects on me as a nonbinary person.

For the last few years, I assumed that any workplace connected to my chosen profession would be the same in terms of it’s effect on me with mild variability in inclusivity. But since switching to the new job, I am realizing how much of the burnout I’ve been experiencing is from inclusion related factors, or the lack of inclusivity at my previous job.

A lot of these factors are within the control of my colleagues and management staff. But some of them are simply related to the nature of the job.

WHAT A NON-INCLUSIVE WORKPLACE FEELS LIKE

When going to work at my job that has minimal inclusion, recognition, or support for my identity as a nonbinary person, I have a nebulous feeling of resistance, anxiety, apprehension, disappointment, and risk. I carry this around with me to varying degrees throughout the whole work day. It is distracting and tiring. I feel like I am hiding, shrinking, holding myself in a small tight ball inside myself for the course of the day.

Every time I have a chance to show a part of this aspect of my identity I have to make a risk vs reward calculation. Every time I encounter something that directly relates to or impacts my gender identity, even if it isn’t directed at me, I have to decide if I’m going to hide or react which is again, a risk vs reward calculation.

This isn’t to say that everything about that work environment is bad and negative. There are lots of things I like about it or else I wouldn’t still be working there. But in order to engage with the things I like about that job, I have to bring the rest of this heaviness along with me.

I am not out to the majority of people in this workplace because it doesn’t feel safe or feasible (more on this below). When I am misgendered, it is primarily out of ignorance and assumption. But, because of many factors, I expect that the majority of people would continue to misgender me even if I did come out. This means that coming out is not worth the effort or risk.

WHAT AN INCLUSIVE WORKPLACE FEELS LIKE

At my new job, I am excited to get to work every day. I can focus and do my work efficiently. At the end of the day/week I am as tired as I would expect given the amount of work I did. I still have mild reluctance to engage with people who are not necessarily trans competent but I know that, should I need to correct them on my name or pronouns, I have the support to do that.

I entered this workplace using my preferred name, pronouns, and gender identity. Not everyone I interact with knows all of that information but I feel safe in providing it openly when I need to. I can share any parts of myself that are relevant without fear and with minimal risk vs reward calculation because the risks are much lower and the reward is more likely to occur.

Colleagues recognize the types of knowledge and expertise that my nonbinary identity affords me and come to me when they have things I can help with.

Overall it feels easy, affirming, and allows me to simply focus on my work.

WORKPLACE FACTORS THAT IMPACT GENDER INCLUSIVITY

Culture

This is the factor that we think about the most in regards to inclusivity and it is definitely the most complex one. You can think of cultural factors in three groups: policies and procedures, competence, and representation.

Policies and Procedures

Is there a policy in place that protects workers based on gender identity? Do their policy documents use gender neutral language? If they have a dress code, is it gender neutral? Do their application forms and other types of documentation such as ID and health insurance forms have inclusive fields (sex, gender, legal gender marker, legal name, preferred name, pronouns, neutral labels, etc)? Is the use of homophobic and transphobic language pervasive, ignored, discouraged, or penalized in the professional work spaces as well as the social spaces in the workplace? Is it commonplace to include pronouns in introductions and email signatures?

Competence

Is the management trained in equity, diversity, and inclusion to the degree they need to be in order to put the policies and procedures into practice? Do they know what to do if an employee or colleague comes out as trans or requests they use different language or pronouns for them? Is there positive, neutral, or negative regard for differences and diversity? Are there ‘safe space’ stickers on office doors? Is the messaging around safe spaces and being inclusive accurate to the level of competence of the staff?

See the end of this post for numerous other posts on this blog related to building basic trans competence.

Representation

Is pride month celebrated? Is diversity represented in the company/business promotional materials, staff support messaging, and among the workforce?

I’m sure there are more but these are the ones that come to mind from my experiences comparing these two work environments.

Physical Environment

This factor is a bit more straightforward but often overlooked by anyone who isn’t negatively affected by it. For gender related inclusivity, some of the questions that come to mind are:

Are there gender neutral/single use bathrooms and changing spaces (if applicable)? For places like gyms, yoga studios, and rehabilitation clinics, are there spaces that aren’t surrounded by mirrors? If asking clients about their personal or health related information, are these meeting spaces private (for both sight and sound)? Is the messaging that is visible at the entrance and throughout the space inclusive and representative of diversity?

Social Demands

This is a factor that is often overlooked and took me a while to recognize as important. My experience with it is more specific to gender identity (though I’m sure it applies to many other minority groups as well).

How many social interactions with strangers or acquaintance level co-workers are required throughout a day of work? This is important because, especially for nonbinary people, strangers, and anyone who we haven’t specifically come out to, will make incorrect assumptions about our gender identity and pronouns. No matter how inclusive the workplace is and how comfortable you are being ‘out’ in that environment, every interaction with a stranger requires coming out again.

Many of the components of the other factors make this significantly less onerous. For example if the company’s messaging is clearly trans inclusive, if employees have pronouns on their ID badges, and if the culture is supportive, affirming, and protective of trans people, I would feel much more comfortable introducing myself to a stranger using my pronouns (they/them). If the other factors are poor in terms of inclusivity, this one gets exponentially worse.

But, if the type of work requires very little interaction with strangers, it is significantly easier to get through the day in a workplace that has mediocre cultural and physical inclusivity.

  • What have your experiences been with gender inclusion in your workplace?
  • Have you ever quit a job due to it’s lack of gender inclusivity? What factors affected you the most?
  • How would you rate your current workplace on it’s gender inclusivity based on the factors above (or others that you’d like to add)?

Leave me a comment below or send me an email! I’d love to hear from you.

RELATED POSTS

Workplace and Coming Out

Surviving in a Non-Inclusive Workplace

Trans Competency

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From Baby to Toddler: The End of Parental Leave and Start of Daycare

In Canada, where I live, we have a year long parental leave. It was amazing to get to spend the majority of my time with my baby for their entire first year of life. This is the time we lay the groundwork for the bond we will have from then on.

Life took on a completely different pattern when I was on parental leave. It had a narrow focus that required me to develop a wide range of new skills. It felt like my ‘normal’ life was put on pause for a year while I did this new ‘caring for my baby’ thing. It was like stepping sideways onto a completely different track of my life. The weird part was not knowing how these two tracks would merge at the end of the year.

PARENTAL LEAVE IN A PANDEMIC

Parental leave can feel isolating – you are away from all your work related friends, spending most of your time at home caring the your new baby. The friends you used to hang out with may or may not be interested in hanging out with you and your baby. You may find those friends are no longer the type of support you need. Or you no longer seem to have much in common now that your focus has shifted. At times being on leave with a new baby did feel isolating. But, being an introvert, I think it didn’t bother me as much as it would some people.

My parental leave overlapped entirely with the global COVID-19 pandemic. This meant that everyone, not just me, was feeling isolated. As a result, I felt less alone in the experience. There was lots of media attention given to the emotional effects of isolation and the development of internet based communication systems. Many social groups were adapted to online platforms. This gave me access to support networks that I would not have had otherwise. Many of these were local groups in the US that I could now access over zoom.

So, overall, despite the general isolation of being at home with a baby, reinforced by the pandemic, I ended up feeling less isolated than I would have otherwise. But the contact I had was with a completely different set of people than those in my previous life. So when my leave finished and I went back to work, very few people had seen or heard from me in a year. And everyone wanted to know how my baby and I were doing.

REINTEGRATING WITH THE WORLD

The end of parental leave is like pushing our way out of our family cocoon (reinforced by the pandemic-induced isolation) and re-entering the world, now as a family of three. Or, to continue with the same metaphor as above, it feels like trying to merge two tracks that are wildly different. It feels vulnerable and shaky.

Some of this shakiness is logistical – we can no longer simply get ready for work and leave, come home and make dinner, hang out and go to bed. One of us has to get our kid ready for their day and feed them, drop our kid off at daycare, pick them up, and then do all the things in the evening we’ve been doing the past year. In this way, the tracks don’t so much merge as we shift back and forth between them throughout the day – the family/childcare track and the work track. These compenents are easy to predict and plan in advance, even if they feel a bit overwhelming at the start.

The parts that are more shaky are how our family is perceived and how to be as authentic as possible without spending more energy than we have. How to manage the impact of attending daycare (more on this below). How to stay focused on our non-baby related tasks when we’ve been so used to focusing the majority of our attention and time on our baby. These are the more nebulous emotional things that we will have to navigate or learn as we go.

Reintegrating with the world is also socially overwhelming. I went from having limited social contact, especially with the pandemic, to seeing all my work colleagues again. I was answering the same questions over and over. Inevitably, one of those questions was ‘remind me again, did you have a boy or a girl?’ I know it’s just small talk and people wanting to connect but it throws all the societal assumptions about gender that I’ve been happily avoiding this past year in my face.

I have to re-learn how to let the dysphoria enducing comments and situations roll of my back and leave the irritation from these situations at work as much as possible. Having a fun, cute baby to come home to definitely helps.

STARTING DAYCARE

After spending almost every day together, having my baby spend five of seven days at daycare feels like there will be monumental distance between us. I feel like I will miss important steps in their development. Or miss enough of the little incremental developments so that when they show a new skill or level of understanding, it will come as a surprise. It will feel sudden. I will feel like they are growing too fast for me to keep up.

Maybe this is true. But maybe, if I spend dedicated play time with them during the times we do spend together (early mornings, evenings, and weekends), it will be enough time to see these small shifts. It’s not like they’ll be at daycare 24/7 afterall.

So far, our daycare experience has gone well. We found a daycare we were comfortable with that had a spot available when we needed it. We did a couple two hour visits to get my child familiar with the environment and staff while still having me as a safety net. On the second visit I left for an hour which did not phase my child in the least.

In the first full days of daycare, we dropped them off as late in the morning as we could and picked them up as early as our work schedules would allow. Even with these shortened days, our baby was exhausted. They have been napping on the way to daycare and after coming home in addition to the midday nap they get at daycare. As long as we give them these times to sleep, they seem to be doing ok.

My baby is definitely aware of spending less time with us. They need a lot more time being held, especially in the morning and after naps. They dislike spending as much time as they used to in the stroller or carseat where they can’t see or interact with us (though this could also be related to their increasing independence). Since I also need more cuddle time with my baby, so far I am ok with this.

BALANCING RISK AND REWARD

When we first decided daycare was the best option, we weighed the pros and cons of each option available to us. But just because we settled on full time daycare doesn’t mean we don’t have to continue to be aware of the risks and rewards. Knowing the risks will help us mitigate them or adjust for them. Knowing the rewards will help us get the most benefit from it. So here are a few of the risks and rewards we are noticing:

Risks associated with daycare

  • COVID exposure risk – no masks, lots of adults and kids in a small space (we wear masks any time we go in)
  • Considerably less bonding time
  • Less control over our child’s schedule to give them what they need (mostly in terms of sleep)
  • Financial risk due to high cost

Rewards associated with daycare

  • Exposure to more germs leads to a stronger immune system
  • Socialization
  • More guided activities and resources
  • More personal freedom for work/school

How do our experiences reintegrating with the world and starting daycare compare to yours? I imagine if you are in a country that only has six weeks of paid parental leave and you had to return to work at that time your experiences would be wildly different. Please share in the comments below!

RELATED POSTS

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