Postpartum recovery is typically portrayed as a rapid return to pre-pregnancy weight and shape. For many people, this is not an accurate representation. Many people never return to pre-pregnancy weight or shape. Some do but have to put in a lot of work to make that happen.
I have a short torso so when I was pregnant, I carried my baby out in front. I started showing early and was very round. I had many stretch marks from early on and still have them. At halfway through my pregnancy people were surprised I still had a while to go. I was asked many times if I was having twins.
At six months postpartum my belly had shrunk somewhat but I still looked about the same size as when I was halfway through my pregnancy. While I knew that the media portrays postpartum recovery inaccurately, this seemed particularly slow. So I tested myself for diastasis recti and found a 3-4 finger gap between my abdominals. This was soon after diagnosed by a physiotherapist.
I started doing specific core exercises and regained my core strength fairly quickly. But at just over nine months postpartum, I still look the same as I did halfway through my pregnancy. While out for a walk with my nine month old baby in the stroller, a stranger congratulated me on the second baby I have on the way.
Having a round, pregnant shaped belly is a difficult experience for me for a number of reasons.
- No one should ever comment on another person’s body shape, size, or presentation without being invited to do so and yet pregnancy seems to be a socially accepted time to do this. Being perceived as pregnant invites these sorts of comments.
- In most people’s minds, being seen as someone who is potentially pregnant puts me in the category of ‘female’ or ‘woman’ and negates any other aspects of my presentation that might suggest otherwise. I dealt with this while pregnant for the sake of having my child but was really looking forward to not dealing with this anymore. And here I am, still being perceived as pregnant.
- While pregnant, having a large belly helped minimize my perception of the size of my chest by comparison. Now that I am no longer pregnant and would like to flatten the appearance of my chest, doing so would only accentuate the size of my belly.
- In order to heal diastasis recti, I have to avoid slouching. Standing up straight makes my chest look and feel bigger, increasing my dysphoria for the sake of healing my abdominals.
I know that recovery from or healing of diastasis recti is slow and takes diligent work. Being constantly aware of my posture, movement, and muscle activation takes mental effort. Making myself do core exercises daily takes will power. I am trying but I’m not always successful on all fronts. And without noticeable change in my function or shape, it is hard to stay motivated.
In search of answers and community, I recently turned to the internet and social media. I found lots of good information but every single resource used female terms and pronouns throughout. Finding community and support for part of my experience that actively excluded and invalidated other parts was painful, exhausting, and overwhelming.
Here is yet another topic where gender neutral terminology would not exclude or invalidate anyone and yet at every opportunity professionals refer to ‘ladies’ and ‘mama’.
Throughout this whole internal struggle with post partum body image, I have tried to be aware of where my thoughts and feelings are coming from. I avoid and reframe any thoughts I have about my weight. I try not to judge my body in negative ways due it’s size or shape. However, I can’t escape how my shape triggers my dysphoria or interferes with my preferred strategies for managing my dysphoria. And I can’t ignore how others perceive me when they assume I am pregnant.
No two people recover from pregnancy the same way. Don’t make assumptions about other people’s bodies based on their shape, size, or function. Don’t make assumptions about other people based on their bodies. If you are a professional supporting a community, question your use of gendered language. Substitute gender neutral terms and use language referring to a specific experience wherever possible. If this is something you would like help with, please contact me.
Did you struggle with body image after pregnancy? Did you or do you currently have diastasis recti? Leave me a comment below! I’d love to hear from you.
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- Second Trimester: Part 2
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- Trans Wisdom: The Power of Community
- Trans Wisdom: Our Bodies Don’t Define Us