Let’s Talk Gender S1E6: Medical Transition: HRT

OVERVIEW

The changes with HRT are some of the most positive and euphoric aspects of transition. We talk about Jake’s experience with Testosterone and going through his second puberty. He talks about all the different physical changes and the emotional changes as well. We also discuss what it was like as his partner adapting to those changes.

SHOW NOTES

Jake’s Experience Taking Testosterone

• Typical trans narrative is based on changes with HRT
  • External, obvious changes
  • Most socially acceptable aspect of transition to ask about
  • Lots of YouTube videos and picture timelines
    • Can be fascinating to show what the body does on HRT but also gives you an idea what to expect (though everyone is different)
• So much variability
  • Will loosely end up similar to cis men that you are related to
  • Also depends on age, dosage, etc

Accessing Hormones

• Referral from psychologist to gender psychiatrist
• Previously required psychiatrist referral to endocrinology but very recently could get a referral from family doctor (most family docs were not aware or comfortable doing this)
• Wanted to start HRT right away but had to wait to see gender psychiatrist
  • Came out to family doc who then refused to refer to endocrinolgy
    • Wasn’t up to date and wasn’t willing to trust our word enough to seek out more information
  • Found another family doctor who was recommended through the community who was prescribing hormones using informed consent
• Started Testosterone!
  • Regular family doctor followed up with blood work and adjustments to dose
• Waited another 6 months to see endocrinology (supposed to see them max 3 months after starting)

Physical Changes

• Voice
  • Started a few weeks after starting T
  • Voice got a bit husky, thick, then started cracking, then eventually settled into the lower range
  • Voice recordings were helpful to hear the changes that happened really slowly
  • Vocal chords thicken but don’t change as much after you’re done growing
  • Made a big difference to being misgendered, especially over the phone
  • Generally done changing by about 18 months
  • Partner experience
    • Had a fun time with the voice change
    • Making fun of the cracking, drawing attention to something that was affirming
    • My voice started sounding higher in comparison (caused voice dysphoria for myself)
      • Worked on lowering my own range
• Facial Hair
  • Very slow – mustache and side burns and under-chin hair first, very slowly filled in
  • Helps with passing from afar
  • Lots of euphoria
  • Lots of time spent staring up close in a mirror
  • Partner Experience
    • Enjoyed scruffing his beard, trying to encourage it to grow
    • Eventually had to encourage him to shave which he had a big resistance to
• Body Hair
  • Lots more on thighs, forearm hair thickened, more on tummy
  • More fascinating than facial hair growth because it was less expected
  • Grew a lot at the beginning, then slowed down a lot but has continued
  • Partner Experience
    • Not much need to adapt to this as it wasn’t a huge change and has been fairly slow
• Increased Temperature
  • Lots of overheating initially on T but has since improved
  • Especially when exercising which was very frustrating
    • Better after top surgery which meant he was comfortable exercising without a shirt on
  • Partner Experience
    • Used him as a heating pad
    • Wildly different environmental temperature requirements
    • Unable to exercise together for a while
• Menstruation and Lower Changes
  • Periods stopped almost right away
    • Might be related to already having an IUD in
  • Other changes in downstairs anatomy that we did not discuss (go look them up if you’re interested/need to know)
• Strength
  • Baseline strength increased without trying
    • Could suddenly lift tires more easily which felt weird
    • Didn’t need to workout to increase strength
  • Noticeable only when doing things, not all the time (like facial hair) so often took him by surprise
  • Partner Experience
    • Felt so much weaker by comparison!
    • Jealous of his strength and easy muscle gain when he was working out
    • Fun to see his confidence increase with his awareness of his strength
• Body Shape
  • Very delayed and slow
  • Fat distribution changes – less on hips and thighs, more on belly
  • Changes within face – less in cheeks, more to jaw
    • Gives appearance of wider jaw even though bone structure isn’t changing

Emotional Changes

• Concerns before taking hormones about becoming angry and raging
  • We were told that it augments emotions that are already present – if you’re an angry person, you might feel more angry but if you’re not, you won’t just suddenly become angry
• Hormonal fluctuations definitely makes people generally more emotional just like typical puberty
  • As an adult there are adult expectations and responsibilities you have to manage while having mood swings
  • Hopefully have more coping skills as an adult
• Less sadness, more channeled into frustration
• Initially quire irritable but calmed down within a few months
• Less emotional range and less nuance
  • Doesn’t feel wrong or repressed or stunted
  • Feels normal, the way his emotions should have been from the beginning
• Less emotionally triggered, less emotionally invested
  • Maybe due to increased confidence
  • Seems more aloof but as a guy, people don’t particularly care (aloofness is somewhat expected)
• Confidence increased which is difficult to measure as the person going through it
  • As a partner, this was easiest to see as compared to the rest of the emotional experience
    • Less social anxiety
    • More comfort in masculine clothes
    • Was very cool to see and very much offset any mild discomfort I had with the physical or emotional changes
• Partner Role
  • Being a sounding board
  • Encouraging him to express the huge emotions when he wasn’t used to having them or having so much of them
  • Suggested a variety of positive outlets for emotions

Looking Back 2.5 Years on T

• Lots of euphoria from HRT but at the time was painfully slow
  • Celebrated every little change we saw and made a big deal out of them
  • This was the good stuff during all the frustrations of accessing medical care and getting legal documents changed
• Looking forward to more facial hair, body hair, and body shape changes
• What will happened during the age of menopause/andropause? We have no idea!

Nonbinary Identities and HRT

• Can take low dose to have fewer and slower changes
  • ‘Micro-dosing’
  • Can stop after the voice change but before much hair growth
• I have minimal consistent physical dysphoria, no particular desire for facial or body hair changes, minimal voice dysphoria which I dealt with by working on my range
  • Also trying to get pregnant so would not be able to be on T currently
• Open to it in the future if I ever felt like I needed it

Next episode: Top surgery!

RELATED POSTS

• Being Supportive Without Self-Sacrifice
• Lost and Found in Transition
• Exploring My Gender Expression
• Interpersonal Dysphoria
• My Husband’s Transition – A Partner’s Perspective (Part 3: Medical and Legal Transition)

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