Community – Page 4 – Purple and Green and the Life in Between

Lost and Found in Transition

LOST IN TRANSITION

With any change comes a letting go of what was and a discovery of what could be. This is the process of grieving. It can be overwhelming.

As changes go, gender transition is one of the biggest. Some losses are forever. Some are temporary. Some are hard. Some are easy.

Straightforward medical care
Access
Fertility
Familiarity
Safety
Security

Global travel
Friends
Family
Relationships
Relatability

Not everything you lose is negative. Some things that you lose are harder to recognize but should be celebrated.

Confusion
Pain
Boxes
Tension
Anger
Anxiety
Walls
Ignorance

Grief allows you to make room for new and meaningful things. Change is growth. Processing what you have lost allows you to recognize what you have found.

FOUND IN TRANSITION

With any change comes many new things. As changes go, gender transition is one of the biggest.

Some changes you want. Some you just have to deal with.

Some are sudden and turn you upside down. Some you see coming forever. Some you only see in hindsight.

Some happen slowly whether you want them to or not. Some happen fast and force you to adapt.

Puberty 2.0
Body shape
Medications
Scars
Euphoria

Confidence
Community
Support
Deeper understanding
Pride
New identity
Openness

Big changes bring lots of new things. These are the building blocks of who you are and who you will be. Understand, accept, and celebrate the new things big and small.

This is the first zine I have created! Hope you like it. Find me on instagram @meaghan.ray.peters to see a video of what the zine looks like in full!

As always, please leave a comment below to tell me what you think!

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The Egocentricity of Dysphoria

Having dysphoria can be an all-consuming experience. Especially when it first starts, when you first identify it as dysphoria, or when it shifts. If the dysphoria is stable over a longer period of time, it is somewhat easier to ignore and manage but even then, there are days when it is all-consuming.

Dysphoria causes obsession about little things that no one else would care about. You might brush off their concern or minimize it but this doesn’t give them the validation they need and can result in more obsessing.

Dysphoria can make it difficult to communicate their identity, needs, and wishes to others in a way that will be understood. It is so all-consuming that it makes it difficult to step out of their current experience and see things from another person’s perspective. So they end up using language that other people don’t understand or skipping over basic concepts that others haven’t grasped yet. This leads to more confusion and frustration and leaves them with even less energy and motivation to try to communicate the next time.

Because of the level of obsession on new areas of their body and new behaviours, it can seem like there has been a big change in their personality with the onset of dysphoria. This isn’t necessarily true, it’s just that the dysphoria is taking up all the person’s attention and focus and they aren’t able to express the parts of themself that you are used to seeing or engage in the activities they used to enjoy with as much ease.

The dysphoria induced self-obsession can come across as lack of caring for others or a lack of awareness of others. This is something that should be communicated in a caring and understanding way that acknowledges the impact of dysphoria but looks for ways to help the person cope by focusing their attention outside their body and strengthening supportive relationships.

The onset of dysphoria can seem sudden to those around them. They have been obsessing about it internally for a long time and have a lot of internal pressure built up. Coming out gives them permission to talk about dysphoria and the obsessions that it causes for the first time. This can seem like a sudden onset of dysphoria and a sudden shift to being egocentric to the people around them.

Sometimes, people have a tendency to refer everything back to dysphoria or use dysphoria as an excuse – ‘if you only knew how it felt you wouldn’t say that’ or ‘oh I can’t do that because the dysphoria is so bad’. Dysphoria can be so all-consuming that it can be hard to tell when something else might actually be at fault – burnout from work, relationship stress, financial stress, fatigue from not enough sleep, changes in meds, having a cold, etc. Sometimes it takes an outside view from a supportive person that is close to them to help them differentiate what is dysphoria and what is something else that should be addressed differently.

You might have difficulty getting along with someone who experiences dysphoria because they may be more emotionally volatile or have unknown or shifting triggers. They may have a lack of interest in things they used to enjoy including things you used to do together because of the new focus on ‘solving’ the dysphoria. Try to be understanding and supportive but take care of your own needs and emotional well being too.

TIPS FOR DYSPHORIC PEOPLE

Use self talk to combat the skewed perspective that the hyper awareness creates.
Find activities to do that don’t trigger dysphoria that will help you get out of your head.
Remember that people who do not experience dysphoria will not remember that you do or understand how much it can effect you. Try to be understanding of their ignorance and explain gently. Getting angry with them when they do not automatically realize when you are feeling dysphoric will not help to keep your relationship with them as a source of support.
Make sure to express your appreciation and caring for the supportive people around you.
Find a therapist. Your support people cannot support you and be your therapist. They will get burned out and no longer be able to support you appropriately.
Find concrete ways to manage your dysphoria that require the least amount of time and effort so that you have more time to spend with those you care about.
If your dysphoria shifts, try tracking it to give you a better idea of what causes the shifts and help you predict when it will happen.

TIPS FOR SUPPORTING DYSPHORIC PEOPLE

Build a list of words, activities, and situations that trigger the trans person’s dysphoria so you are more likely to understand when they react negatively at those times.
Understand that getting the dysphoric person to explain their dysphoria to you, especially at times when they are dysphoric, will be hard and often makes their dysphoria worse. Look for other resources to learn what dysphoria can feel like and how to recognize it.
Help the trans person focus on something external that is less likely to trigger dysphoria or encourage them to engage in their self-care activities. They won’t always remember to use self-care strategies at times when they need them the most so external reminders can help.
Find sources of support for yourself other than the dysphoric person – a therapist, friends that might understand, community groups and support such as PFLaG, or online resources.

Living with dysphoria is an ongoing struggle and is different for everyone. Talk to each other, be as open and honest as you can, and find the support you need.

What is your experience of dysphoria or supporting someone with dysphoria? What other tips do you have that I should add to the list?

Let me know in the comments below!

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Why Labels Matter

I have often heard complaints about why people (usually queer people) feel the need to label themselves, or why there are so many different labels, or how labels are so restrictive, and how its unnecessary to put yourself in a box. Usually, the people making these statements are cisgendered and straight. They have never struggled with having to figure out a part of their identity, find a way to explain it to others, and find a way to connect with a community.

Labels help me understand myself. For me, this is the most important reason that labels exist. Labels and their definitions provide me with language to say ‘yes, that is how I feel’ or ‘no, that is not how I feel’. Without this language, I might have a vague sense that my experience of the world is not the same as the people around be but be unable to figure out why, how, and what to do about it.

Sometimes, labels are the only thing we have control over. Sometimes, this sense of knowing who we are is all we have. There are times when it is unsafe to come out or we don’t have access to a community. Or times when we don’t have access to gender affirming clothing, medications, or surgery. Labels are the only way we can express our gender or identity and feel seen.

Labels are a communication tool to help others understand my identity. I know that not everyone will have the same definition or understanding of a label as I do so I try to use a label they are most likely to understand or have a conversation about what that label means for me. Without labels and their definitions I would only ever be defined by what people assumed my identity to be. When a large part of who I am and how I navigate the world is invisible, being able to communicate my identity to others is very important.

Labels are words that represent abstract concepts, not concrete ones. Everyone will have a slightly different understanding and experience of a given label. For me, this is part of the magic of labels and what makes them interesting and valuable. But some people use their own understanding of a label to define others. This is when labels can become damaging or restrictive.

Each label I use is a facet of who I am that all fit together to form the whole of my person and identity. Labels should not be boxes. You cannot define what something is no by stating what it is. For example, if I define the word trunk as the solid, central stem of a tree, that does not mean that the word trunk cannot mean anything else, or that a tree is solely made up of a trunk.

Labels should be seen as fluctuating and fluid, not fixed. Labels represent part of our identity. Identity, by the very nature of being a human, is fluid over time. Identity changes as we change. Expecting labels to be fixed is equivalent to saying that identities are fixed, that they won’t change over time as we change and as society changes around us.

Labels should not be performative or restrictive. Just because you identify with a label does not mean you should be expected to present or act a certain way as a result. However, society is not very good at following this. So it is completely acceptable to keep a label to yourself or alter your presentation to fit a label in order to keep yourself safe or access care that you need. I just hope that you do not lose parts of who you are in the process.

Labels allow you to connect with other people who share similar experiences and identities. I can understand how people who have never felt like they don’t fit in mainstream culture would not understand the need to use labels to define yourself and your experience of the world in order to find community. I just wish everyone could allow each other to use labels, or not, as they wish, and approach labels that are new to them with curiosity rather than skepticism.

What is your experience with labels? Do you find them useful or restrictive? Have you had experiences where you were treated differently as a result of a label you used? Tell me about it in the comments!

Queer Wedding Ideas

When Jake and I got married, we both identified as women (this was pre gender exploration for both of us). We made some adjustments to the ceremony so it didn’t feel so heternonormative. Since then, I have participated in, and seen pictures and descriptions of, many different gay, queer, and gender non-conforming (GNC) weddings. Here are a few of the ideas I’ve collected:

Switch Sides. If there is a more masculine presenting person and a more feminine presenting person, stand on the opposite side from the norm of man on the right and woman on the left (from the audience perspective).
Who Enters First. Typically, the man starts the ceremony at the front or walks in first. So instead, have the more feminine person walk in first or have both of you walk in at the same time up parallel aisles instead of having one central aisle.
Wear Whatever You Want! Don’t feel confined to one person wearing a dress and the other wearing a suit. Either person can wear whatever they want! Similarly, don’t confine your wedding party to a suit for the men and a dress for the women. Either allow them to choose or offer a midway option of a blouse and suit pants or a skirt with a shirt, vest, and tie.
Mixed Wedding Parties. Don’t limit yourself to female assigned/identified/presenting people standing with the ‘bride’ and male assign/identified/presenting people standing with the ‘groom’. Pick the people that are most important in your life to stand with you regardless of gender or presentation. That’s why they’re there, isn’t it?
Colours! Base your colour theme off a queer flag that has meaning to both of you. Include rainbows, or trans colours, or purple and green (as we did, kind of by accident). You can also use rainbows or meaningful colour combinations as highlights such as having a rainbow rose in the table centers.
Include Your Community. Community is hugely important for queer people and often serves as a chosen family. Include your community in your special day with a ring warming, readings from different people either during the ceremony or at the reception, or a modified sand ceremony where everyone adds a pinch of sand on the way in and those jars are mixed together by the couple. There are so many options! You can pick one that someone else created or make your own!
Location and Ceremony. If you and your partner are religious, you can absolutely have a queer wedding in your place of worship. But many queer people have had difficult experiences with organized religion and may feel uncomfortable within these spaces and with the religious basis of the ceremony. So consider choosing an outdoor location or a non-religious location that is meaningful to you. Likewise, there are some aspects of the ceremony that are required to be legally binding but some are optional. Definitely talk to your officiant about ways to make the ceremony personal and, of course, queer.
Language. Weddings are full of heteronormative and binary language. Be open about what language each of you is comfortable with and make sure that your officiant and wedding parties are on board. Consider having a wedding website that includes an explanation of the terminology you will be using. This is also an easy way to specify pronouns and names of people in the wedding party or important family members.
Identity Pins or Stickers. Have pronoun pins/stickers available for people to wear as a lapel pin if they wish. Weddings bring together family and friends, many of whom will never have met and may come from very different social backgrounds. This can be a way for the queer people participating in or attending the wedding to feel more comfortable.

That’s it for now! If you had a queer wedding or have attended a queer wedding, what strategies did you use? Leave them in the comments below and I will add them to the list!

When the Stereotypical Trans Story is Wrong

‘True Trans’ Narrative

When you think of a generic trans person, what comes to mind? Is it someone who feels like they were born into the wrong body, who knew from a very young age that they were meant to be the other gender, who preferred the ‘wrong’ toys and the ‘wrong’ clothes? This is the stereotypical trans story. Within the trans community, this type of experience is called ‘True Trans’ implying that because their experience matches the stereotype, their identity as a trans person is somehow more valid than other people.

While it is true that people with the stereotypical trans experience will be questioned less as to whether they are sure and will have to explain their experience less often, this in no way makes their experience or identity more or less valid than any other. There is no hierarchy of transness.

Other Trans Narratives

Some trans people didn’t realize that their discomfort was related to their gender until they were a teenager going through puberty, or as an adult having kids, or as an older adult going through menopause/andropause. Some trans people don’t feel like they were born into the wrong body at all. Some trans people are only uncomfortable with how society views their body and how they are identified as a result of their body but are completely comfortable with their body on it’s own. Some trans people prefer the activities and clothes typically associated with the gender they were assigned at birth.

These trans experiences are poorly represented by mainstream media and therefore poorly understood or acknowledged by the general public. People with trans experiences that do not match the ‘true trans’ stereotype have a harder time understanding themselves, finding the appropriate words to convey their experience to others, and sometimes fall back on descriptions that match the stereotype just so they can get the validation they deserve from people in their lives and medical professionals even if this is not true to their experience.

The Role of Stereotypes

Identities are complex. Social structures such as gender, race, ethnicity, class, disability, sexuality, etc are all infinitely complex. Stereotypes provide a short hand for people who do not have personal experience with a specific identity can have a basic image or understanding of what other people are referring to.

Stereotypes are often the first step in increasing the visibility of a particular identity and eventually normalizing it. Initially this can be helpful but the stereotype quickly becomes something that the people who live that identity need to fight against and correct.

The Harm of Stereotypes

Stereotypes become harmful when people outside that identity don’t recognize it as a stereotype. They believe that the image or understanding they have of that identity is accurate to everyone with that identity. This is especially true for medical professionals who are in a position to refuse a diagnosis or treatment to someone when that person doesn’t fit the medical professional’s personal definition of ‘trans’.

As I mentioned above, stereotypes can also create a hierarchy within a marginalized identity where the people who’s experience match the stereotype are seen as more valid or more deserving of recognition. This can lead to people being excluded from the community that they need support from the most.

Broadening the Trans Narrative

Members of the trans community have pushed back against the stereotype using phases such as “I am trans enough” which got shortened to “I am enough” and “All trans people are valid”. These have been hugely important messages for many people to see and internalize. Just like cis men don’t have to be hyper-masculine to identify as a man, trans men shouldn’t have to ignore or hide their more feminine interests in order to be recognized as a man or seen as ‘trans enough’ to receive medical treatment (if they want it).

The increasing visibility of non-binary identities and non-binary trans people is also a huge step towards broadening the trans narrative and combatting the ‘true trans’ stereotype. Awareness and acceptance of a minority often ends up benefitting the majority in some way, for example sidewalk cutouts for ramps were originally mandated to improve accessibility for wheelchair users but end up making cityscapes much easier to navigate with a stroller, trolley, bicycle, skateboard, or roller blades. I believe that bringing awareness and acceptance of identities that fall in various places on the gender spectrum, identities that are fluid, and identities that don’t always match the person’s presentation will also benefit cis people by making it acceptable for them to explore interests and presentation options that would have previously been deemed ‘inappropriate’.

How have stereotypes been beneficial or harmful to you? What strategies have you used to correct people’s assumptions based on a stereotype? What other stereotypes of trans people have you found? Leave a comment below!

Educating Others Without Compromising Your Boundaries

Sometimes those of us with experience and knowledge of trans related topics want to help educate those around us and sometimes we don’t. And that’s ok. You should never feel like you have to compromise your own mental health for the sake of addressing someone else’s ignorance. But how do you politely tell people to bugger off and educate themselves through other means? And when you are comfortable having some of those conversations, how do you know what you’re comfortable sharing and what you’re not? How do you make them aware of your boundaries without derailing the conversation or damaging your relationship with that person?

Throughout my husband’s transition and my own gender explorations I have had many different conversations with many different types of people about gender and trans related topics. Many times towards the beginning of this process I was already knee deep in a conversation before I realized that I was well past the line that this person shouldn’t have crossed. I am a very open person and I am often comfortable sharing much more personal information with others than most people are so I wasn’t personally uncomfortable with the content. What concerned me more, and often only in retrospect, was that the person I was talking to had no awareness of which questions were appropriate and which ones they should have asked special permission for (and respected my response if I said no). If you have people in your life that have a similar lack of understanding of what is appropriate to ask about or say, see my post How to Interact Respectfully with a Trans Person, or, better yet, send that person the link.

How far do you go before you recommend resources and leave the conversation? That is completely up to you. Everyone will have different boundaries relating to their privacy depending on the type of information, their relationship to the other person/people in the conversation, and the setting where the conversation is taking place. Boundaries are healthy. They are self-protective. The more experiences we have that are threatening, the more self-protective we are likely to become.

The problem comes when you don’t know where your own boundaries are until they have been crossed. This can make you vulnerable, defensive, antagonistic, and can even put your safety at risk. Often, the other person/people in the conversation don’t even know they have crossed a line. Your sudden change in manner can be a shock to them and even to yourself.

How do you avoid this? Think about your boundaries in advance. Below are some guiding questions to get you started. I recommend you add to it any time you get asked a question that triggers a warning bell in your head. Revisit this exercise every few months, when you are nearing a major transition related event, or when you’re going to be interacting with people you haven’t seen in a while (family gatherings). For each question, try to answer it for a variety of different people in your life – a co-worker, a friend, a parent, your doctor, another member of the trans community, etc.

General Info: Are you comfortable…

disclosing your birth name?
explaining why you prefer the pronouns you use?
talking about your experiences of dysphoria?
talking about specific strategies you use to change your appearance or presentation (binding, packing, tucking, padding, etc)?
talking about how supportive your family, significant other, or other people in your life are?
talking about what support groups you attend/are a part of?
talking about wait times, difficulties finding a trans friendly family doctor, and other systemic barriers?

Medical Info: Are you comfortable…

talking about medication you are on related to transitioning?
talking about changes you are experiencing as a result of those medications?
disclosing what surgeries/surgery you are interested in having/have had?

Legal Info: Are you comfortable…

talking about legal documentation changes?
discussing transphobic politics and policies?

This is by no means an exhaustive list of topics that might come up related to your own or your partner’s transition or gender identity. If your partner is the one who’s information you would be sharing, go through this list with them so they can tell you what they are comfortable with you sharing with people in your life. My husband is typically a fairly private person (at least compared to me), but often had much looser boundaries when it came to me sharing info with my coworkers or friends if they were people that he was unlikely to interact with.

Now that you know your boundaries, what do you do or say when someone asks something that you are not comfortable talking about? Try saying exactly that – “Sorry, that isn’t something I’m comfortable talking about with you.” Another phrase I use a lot (because there is rarely something I’m actually not comfortable talking about with someone) is “That is not actually something you should typically ask about a trans person.” They usually respond with “Oh, really? I had no idea.” You can also add phrases such as “Thank you for your concern” or “Thanks for trying to learn more about my experiences/trans issues” or “If you want to learn more about that I would recommend [appropriate resource].”

So whose responsibility is it to do the educating? I believe that no amount of reading on the internet can substitute for face to face conversation and personal anecdotes. But that doesn’t mean that it is always up to the minority to educate the majority. People from or connected to the trans community should not be responsible for providing all necessary information to everyone around them (especially medical professionals). That would be more than exhausting. But you will need to provide the people in your life with enough information to get them from unconsciously ignorant to consciously ignorant and explain how important it is that they educate themselves further. It will also help if you can provide them with specific resources that speak to you. They are much more likely to absorb the information they are getting from other sources if they are confident that it is relevant to your experience.

What other topics or questions would you add to the list? How do your boundaries change depending on your situation or the person you’re talking to? What phrases do you use to identify your boundaries to other people? Was there a situation where you shared something that you realized in retrospect had crossed your personal boundary? Tell me what happened in the comments below!

Finding Support

Whether you’re the one trying to figure out your gender or you partner is questioning theirs, you need a support system. This can come in many forms. Below are a few of the types of support I have found useful.

I think of support as a two way street. Ways that you are participating, communicating with others, where they know who you are. I think of resources as something you look at where the person who put it out there doesn’t know who you are. This post is about support. If you’re looking for resources, also useful but less personal, see my resources page.

Friends

Especially early on in the process, finding one good friend who can be a sounding board is extremely helpful. Having someone to tell your fears and thoughts and confusion to eases the internal pressure and helps you feel less alone. They can provide support, be a resource, help you clarify your thoughts, and help you experiment with a different name or presentation. They can be a shopping buddy if you’re looking for a new wardrobe. If they are more familiar with the queer community in your local area than you are they can help you connect to other types of support.

Before my husband came out to the world as trans, he came out to a mutual friend so that I would have someone to talk to. This friend helped me clarify how I was feeling and test out how I would respond to the questions I would likely get from others. Since I’ve been exploring my own gender identity, my husband has been my sounding board. As someone who also experiences dysphoria he is invaluable for commiserating or suggesting management strategies.

queer community

The queer community is where you’ll find people who have a better understanding of the language, experiences, and fear you might have. Queer events give you a safe place to be who you are, express your identity, and use whatever labels, name, or pronouns you want. Just having a safe place to be can be a big relief. Leaving these places can feel like putting your mask back on or going back in the closet so it’s nice to know when the next event/meet up will be so you have something to look forward to.

I have found the queer community very helpful since I came out as gay. I have always needed to be around people who have similar experiences and understand what I’m going through. We were initially part of a queer sports league which was great for exercise as well as queer time. Community became even more important when my husband came out as trans but we found that we had to find different groups that had a more trans focus. I have also been part of a queer choir which again, is great for getting time around queer people as well as keeping music in my life. Often these activity-focused queer groups are the nicest because the support and camaraderie are there but you don’t have to tell your life story to everyone or talk about what’s currently going on. Sometimes, talking is too difficult and all you need is the support.

Online groups

These are great. There are facebook groups for everything imaginable. Some of them are closed and you need to ask to join. Some of them are hidden and you need an invite from someone in the group (which is easiest to get by meeting people in the queer community or participating in similar online groups that have overlapping members). These groups give you a place to post questions, rant about a bad experience, celebrate milestones that other people wouldn’t understand the significance of, or just read what other people have been saying.

I’ve been part of online groups for our local trans/NB community, partners of trans men, genderfluid people, etc. There are groups dedicated to top surgery, bottom surgery, and HRT. Both my husband and I have used these groups to ask questions of others that have already gone through what were going through and provide support to others that are just starting something that we’ve already done. Some groups we are in separately and some we are in together. On days that were harder, I would check the group I liked the best almost hourly to feel a connection with other people who understood. I wish I had found these groups earlier in his transition process but I still find them useful today.

PFLaG

PFLaG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. There are support groups all over North America. It may not seem politically correct or very inclusive but as it turns out, the support group in our area is mainly trans focused and very well run. This group is designed to take people from not accepting to accepting to celebrating their own or their loved one’s identities. The group includes people of all LGBT identities as well as friends and family. The discussion is different every time and includes whatever topics people want to discuss. We get the perspective of other people going through the process, friends who are trying to be good supporters, parents who are struggling to understand, siblings who are trying to build a new bond, and sometimes health professionals who want to be more inclusive.

This was one of the first sources of support we found. The group near us runs once a month. It was big enough that we could sit and listen without having to participate if we didn’t want to. No matter what was discussed we always got something out of it. It was like a release of pressure, an emotional breath of fresh air. During the harder months we would measure time based on how long it was until the next PFLaG meeting.

A few meetings in someone mentioned another PFLaG meeting near us at the opposite time in the month. For a couple of months we went to both. This second meeting was quite a bit smaller which pretty much required participation. At some point my husband couldn’t make one of the smaller meetings so I went by myself and ended up talking about a bunch of the stuff that I didn’t want to burden him with (mainly my anxiety about how he was really doing, fears about the possibility of him getting beaten up, my observations of the toll that coming out was taking on his mental health, etc). We decided that it was a good idea for me to have my own separate group to go to, especially since I was getting more out of the groups at this point than he was. So we would go to the bigger group together (whenever possible) and I could go to the smaller group by myself when I felt like I needed to. I continued going for about a year but eventually didn’t need as much support. We have continued going to the larger group for nearly 3 years and I have been helping to run a separate group every third month specifically for partners of trans people.

Lately, I have been finding the group helpful in providing support through my own gender discovery journey. Even once life is not specifically about our personal gender experiences we will likely still be attending just to have somewhere to be where the majority of people understand this aspect of our lives and so that we can provide support to others that are just starting the process.

therapists

Finding a trans-friendly therapist is very important. Some therapists present themselves as trans-knowledgeable, trans-positive, or trans-friendly but, as we have learned from friends in our various groups, some are operating from a very old and transphobic play-book. The best way to find a truly trans-positive therapist is to get a recommendation from someone in the community who is further along in the process than you are. When you are just starting out you don’t necessarily know what it means to be trans-positive. Only in discussing the things that your therapist has said to you with others in the community will you get the perspective that you need. Sometimes the therapist has already done serious damage to the person’s sense of self-worth.

A good rule of thumb in my book is that if you are coming away from therapy with more guilt, shame, fear, confusion, self-hatred, and dysphoria, this is not a good therapist for you to be seeing. Look online. Find support groups. Find friends that you can talk to. Ask around for recommendations. If you have a local queer community centre, ask them for recommendations. If the therapist they recommended was the one that made you feel worse, stop going anyway. There are other resources and other therapists out there that can help. Check out my resources page for some other options.

trans-friendly health professionals

These are rare in our experience. As a trans person you will need to receive care from family doctors, endocrinologists, psychiatrists, pharmacists, dentists, specialists (gynecologists, proctologists, fertility docs, speech therapists, physiotherapists), and surgeons. The more times you interact with a health professional that is not trans friendly the less likely you are to access health care the next time you need it. Finding trans-friendly and trans-knowledgeable health professionals is not only going to help you get through your transition but also take away a big source of stress. Finding trans-friendly professionals is easiest by asking your support groups.

Trans-friendly and trans-knowledgeable family doctors are especially rare and so much in demand that our community filled up the caseload of three family doctors in a row as they were suggested to the group. If you are a healthcare professional or you know of one that might be open to learning more about trans care and trans issues, give them/look up as many resources as you can. Spreading this information is one of the best things allies can do.

What are your support systems? How did you find trans-friendly therapists and other health professionals? Leave a comment below!