This is a continuation of Trans Wisdom: Consumer Categories are Irrelevant (Part 1)
INTERESTS AND CAREERS ARE FOR EVERYONE
I think you’re getting the picture by now. This categorization of clothing, jewelry, makeup, toys, and just about every consumer item also gets applied to activities and careers. Many cis people fight against this with varying levels of difficulty. But many people are unaware that they have been guided towards some interests and away from others.
Many trans people transition while in the work force and either start out as the odd one out or become the odd one out in their field. Only after transitioning do they realize how hard it was to swim against the current or how much harder it is now that they have to.
The extra effort it takes to do something we love, either for fun or for work, when it is not something that our gender category should be good at or interested in is unnecessary but very real. Sometimes it is subtle – confused or disparaging looks from friends and family when you talk about it or messaging that is always aimed at the other binary gender category. Sometimes it is overt – harassment, withdrawal of family support, lack of promotion, less pay, difficulty getting hired. These pressures are like the banks of a river, trying to keep us in line. But sometimes rivers chart a new course or spill over the bank.
Don’t let societal pressure stop you from doing something you love. Find the support of people who believe in you and other people in the same situation as you. Form your own group and keep going. (Caveat: if fighting this type of fight against the current is taking too much of a toll on you, don’t be afraid to step back. Find a different way to do what you love, even if it wasn’t plan A. Your mental health matters more than changing the system from the inside.)
MASCULINITY AND FEMININITY ARE FOR EVERYONE
What is masculinity? Write a list of what masculinity means to you. Now, beside each trait, write the name of a person who identifies as a woman who exemplifies that trait.
What is femininity? Write a list of what femininity means to you. Now, beside each trait, write the name of a person who identifies as a man who exemplifies that trait.
Masculinity and femininity do not equal male and female or man and woman. Anyone can embody traits that are deemed by society to be masculine or feminine and often we all do. If we question society’s categorization of these traits, we start to realize that the terms ‘masculinity’ and ‘femininity’ lose their meaning. That is because they are arbitrary. Everyone’s definition of these terms is going to be different depending on their experiences.
Some traits that are deemed masculine are referred to with words that have a positive connotation when referring to a man with that trait and a negative connotation when referring to a woman with that trait. Managerial vs bossy for example. The same goes for feminine traits. A sensitive woman vs an emotional man. Be aware of how people are described and see if you notice this use of connotation to indicate a positive or negative value of their level of masculinity or femininity. Try describing the person using a word with a positive connotation and see how people respond.
List your own traits – personality, presentation, interests, etc. How many of them can you easily label as masculine and feminine? Did you write any using negative words? What category do those fall under? Can you find a word that means the same thing but with a positive connotation? (Think of applying that word to friend – how would you flip it?)
Masculinity and femininity are not specific to sex, gender, name, pronoun, race, social standing, or any other category. They are for everyone.
YOUR PRESENTATION IS YOURS TO PLAY WITH
If clothing, jewelry, makeup, toys, interests, careers, and any other masculine or feminine (or androgynous) trait is available to everyone, that means you get to decide what you include in your presentation, regardless of consumer category. You can pick and choose whatever parts feel best for you on a given day.
Presenting in ways that defy consumer categories will attract more attention, often negative attention. Trans people are painfully aware of this. Before transitioning, they sometimes hide who they are and work hard to fit in with a presentation that is expected of them. Then, during their transition, they fight to present how they are most comfortable despite all the negative attention. After socially transitioning, they sometimes present in a way that matches a binary consumer category in order to avoid that same negative attention. It takes a lot of support, self-confidence, courage, and often privilege to be able to consistently defy consumer categories and present how you prefer.
If your preferred presentation matches pretty closely to one of the two consumer categories, you are lucky. But don’t let that stop you from finding the subtle ways that you butt up against the edge of your typical category or even cross the boundary into the other one. These are the aspects of yourself that tell you that you are being authentic, an individual, not a slave to binary gendered consumerism.
Go and be free! Consumer categories are irrelevant! Be who you are, present how you want to, defy expectations!
RELATED POSTS
- Trans Wisdom: You Define Your Identity
- How to Reprogram Yourself out of Binary Gendered Thinking
- Let’s Talk Gender S2E7: Living in the World as a Nonbinary Person
- Let’s Talk Gender S2E3: Nonbinary Gender Presentation and Expression
- Passing vs Presenting vs Assumed
- Gender Presentation and Social Attention
- Gender Experiments: Wearing a Dress
- Exploring My Gender Expression