Let’s Talk About It!

I have now been writing this blog for three years! I recently discovered that with all those posts, my blog was not very searchable (sorry about that!) I have fixed this somewhat but also wanted to provide a snapshot of what you might find here. Depending on your situation, identity, or what brought you here, you will be looking for different things. Scroll through the section titles in this post to find one that seems Read more

When we hear about trans people and healthcare, we mostly hear about hormones and surgery. But trans people are way more than just hormones and surgery. As part of my current research, I am learning about the different types of barriers that trans people experience when accessing healthcare. To my surprise, the majority of the barriers discussed were in relation to accessing transition related care – ie hormones and surgery (among other things). I had Read more

Here is how my gender journey lines up with the Hero’s Journey. Missed my previous post about Gender Transition as a Hero’s Journey? Check that out first and then come back to read my story. ORDINARY WORLD When my husband started being identified as a man by strangers, their ingrained heteronormative views told them that I must be a woman. I started getting treated as more feminine when we were together and this didn’t sit Read more

The heroes in our favourite stories all start out as ordinary people. Their journeys often follow a similar pattern as they face trials and tribulations, discover their inner strength, and return triumphant. Joseph Campbell orginally described this story arc using 17 stages (and fairly problematic language). It has since been revised into 12 stages, most recently by Christopher Vogler. As it turns out, these stages match the emotional stages of a gender transition pretty closely. Read more

For the last five years I have worked in the same environment. During this time, my husband came out as trans and I discovered my identity as a nonbinary person. I recently cut back on my hours at this job and started a different job. These two jobs are wildly different environments, types of work, levels of inclusion, and effects on me as a nonbinary person. For the last few years, I assumed that any Read more

Over the course of the last year, the first year of my child’s life, I have experienced many intense moments. Sometimes these happen over a discrete period of time – a moment, a day, or even a few weeks – and then they pass. Other times, like the one described in this poem, these intense moments happen repeatedly, in small bursts, and are related to a particular activity. For me, one of these has been Read more

MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT MY CHILD’S GENDER PRESENTATION When we’re going out for a walk, to a park, or to a grocery store, I have to decide what my child is going to wear. When I choose my own clothes, it is often based on gender related factors – dysphoria and euphoria, how I want my gender to be viewed by others, safety – and of course, the weather. But my goal is to provide my Read more

WHEN YOU MISGENDER SOMEONE Even I, a nonbinary person with a trans husband, sometimes get people’s pronouns or preferred language wrong. Our brains are used to holding onto stereotypes and first impressions as shortcuts. It takes conscious effort to change how we perceive people and the language we are using for them. So, when someone you know comes out as trans or nonbinary, or simply asks you not to use certain language when referring to Read more

MILESTONES VS ANNIVERSARIES Milestones are typically cumulative: one leads to the next and to the next, either in number (as with birthdays) or in skill level (as with motor development). Anniversaries, on the other hand, are a remembering of a singular event. Milestones feel like an accomplishment, a moving forward. Anniversaries feel like pausing and looking back, to see how far we’ve come. The first birthday of my child was a strange mix of both. Read more

In Canada, where I live, we have a year long parental leave. It was amazing to get to spend the majority of my time with my baby for their entire first year of life. This is the time we lay the groundwork for the bond we will have from then on. Life took on a completely different pattern when I was on parental leave. It had a narrow focus that required me to develop a Read more

WHY BOTTLE FEEDING? If you’ve been following along with our journey, you’ll know that we have been bottle feeding our baby since they were two weeks old. This is because of issues with lactation and dysphoria. As soon as we tried bottles, it was night and day. It just worked so much better for us. Generally, bottle feeding is treated as a stand-in or substitute for the more preferred nursing/body-feeding. I don’t think this is Read more