Trans Day of Remembrance is held on November 20th every year. It is a day to remember all the people locally, nationally, and internationally who have been killed by transphobic violence in the past year. The vast majority of people killed are trans women of colour. Memorial services are held where the names are read off and a moment of silence is observed for each.
Trans Day of Remembrance is a hard day for me even though I have not personally known anyone who has been murdered due to transphobic violence. I am extremely lucky to live in a place that is not represented on the table below. No murders of trans people were reported in my city, province, or country in the last year. It is hard because it still happens in many places around the world and may very well have occurred closer to home but have gone unreported. The majority of my fears for my husband during his transition, and for myself, stem from this type of violence.
My heart is heavy on November 20th and a few days before and after. I have attended a memorial service in the past but it is too hard for me to do that these days. I try to spend some time with trans people or good, aware allies on November 20th. And especially, I try to spend time with my husband.
I have lots of community on social media but, while it’s nice to see that other people have similar feelings around this day, the support from a distance that social media provides doesn’t help ease the heaviness or fear. For that I would need support in person.
Most people in my life do not know that Trans Day of Remembrance is observed and don’t understand why it is necessary. If I mention it in an effort to explain why I’m having a difficult week I often have to go into an explanation of why it is important and why it affects me so strongly. By that point I have expended the minimal energy I had, made myself feel more vulnerable than I already did, and brought all the fear and sadness to the forefront.
While it is important to me to spread the word and educate people on the very real danger that trans people face, this does not help me get the support that would be helpful. I am lucky that I had one person at work who, when I walked in on Nov 20th, gave her a hug and said ‘November 20th is always a hard day’, understood immediately and offered to spend lunch together. That was huge.
To anyone who considers themself a trans ally: make note of November 20th on your calendar. Read about Trans Day of Remembrance. Attend a memorial service in your area. If you have someone in your life who is trans or is closely connected to a trans person, give them a hug and express your support, protection, and love on that day or the days around it. The huge impact of these small acts cannot be overstated.
Please take a look at the summary table below.
Here are a few links to other articles and websites.