Let’s Talk About It!

https://media.blubrry.com/lets_talk_gender/p/content.blubrry.com/lets_talk_gender/Season_2_Promo.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download Hey everyone, I’m Meaghan Ray, a nonbinary person, and the host of Let’s Talk Gender. Coming up in September 2020 is season 2! This season will be another eight episodes, this time around the topic of nonbinary identities and experiences. If you listened to Season 1 you got to hear from my husband about his experiences with transitioning. This season will be more of a radio host monologue style Read more

Note: I refer to gender based vocal pitch ranges throughout this post. All ranges are based on cis averages used in vocal pitch analyzer apps and choral voice ranges. This is not my preferred way to talk about it and I wish I had better language to use that was not cis-normative but for ease of communication I have stuck with this phrasing. Most of the time, I like my voice. It generally sits in Read more

PASSING The concept of ‘passing’ is talked about often in the trans community. It refers to the ability to go about your life without being identified as trans. Passing as binary cis. It can come with a lot of judgement when someone ‘isn’t passing well enough’, even from within the community. But more importantly, not being able to ‘pass’ can be a big safety risk in a lot of areas. Because of this, many trans Read more

Lots of people talk about having a kid as ‘starting a family’. This rubs me the wrong way. For me, choosing to commit to a long term relationship with my husband was when we started our family. We got married as a symbol of that commitment but our family was started even before marriage. Having a child is an expansion of that family, not the start of it. I think my definition or experience of Read more

NOT ALL PREGNANT PEOPLE ARE WOMEN Not all pregnant people are women. Being pregnant as a person who does not identify as a cis woman can make my identity feel invisible. It often feels like all anyone sees about me is that I’m pregnant and therefore I must be a woman. I know lots of cis women also feel like they lose their individuality while they are pregnant and especially once they are a parent. Read more

THE WORLD IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE I listen to a lot of podcasts and recently I listened to two different ones that seemed to be in conversation with each other. The first was an episode of Gender Stories by Alex Iantaffi released on April 12, 2020 called A non-binary approach in the COVID-19 pandemic: a conversation with Meg-John Barker. The second was an episode of Thoughts on Thoughts by Kristjana Reid, Jessica Miller, and Read more

GENDER Not much has changed gender-wise since my last pregnancy update (see Second Trimester Part 1). Being more visibly pregnant leads to more female language and more dysphoria. I have been able to manage by finding clothes that are generally affirming (larger sports bras rather than maternity bras and larger and longer ‘men’s’ t-shirts rather than maternity tops) though I have had to switch to maternity pants with the fake button, tiny pockets, but comfortable Read more

Lately, I have struggled to feel excited and comfortable with the idea and experience of being pregnant. I have felt like the more visibly pregnant I get, the more invisible my nonbinary identity becomes, both to myself and others. Recently, someone in one of the online groups I am a part of stated something similar to what I have written below and it resonated a lot with me. I wanted to put these thoughts into Read more

Note: Although this post is specifically about my experience of being pregnant, you might find what I talk about relates closely with other major life events such as health challenges, injuries, and aspects of transitioning. I hope you find it interesting, if not relevant to your own experiences. Being pregnant is a weird experience. Everyone who is or has been pregnant experiences it differently, both physically and emotionally. There are both positive and negative aspects Read more

This is not the experience of pregnancy I had hoped for. Everyone hopes for an easy pregnancy with no complications for the baby and minimal difficulty for themselves. Very few people get to experience this but that doesn’t change the hope or the emotional response when it doesn’t happen. More than anything, I want to enjoy being pregnant and be able to celebrate how my body is creating a new life. But it is hard Read more