Let’s Talk About It!

I’d like to explain a system for understanding non-binary genders that has really helped me make sense of myself and other gender non-conforming people. This system is only discussing gender which is a separate concept from sex. I treat gender as the internal sense of who someone is in relation to society’s views of the binary genders or the assigned gender based on their sex assigned at birth. I am also not talking about gender Read more

Gay I use this as a gender neutral term for homosexual. However, it is still a comparison of my gender to my partner’s and if society gets my gender wrong then they’re also going to assume I’m interested in people who do not match my partner (more on this here). This was a great label before I started questioning my gender and before my husband transitioned but has become somewhat problematic for society to understand Read more

When my husband transitioned I was asked a few times if that meant I was straight. I knew this would be a question people would have but it took me a while to understand why that question was coming up and why I felt so annoyed by it. I tried to explain to a few people why I still identified as gay with varying success. I realized that the underlying issue is that although sexual Read more

Personal Experiences I have struggled to write this post because it is so intensely personal but I think it’s important for people to understand what dysphoria feels like. Many trans people talk about how their body has always felt wrong or as soon as they could talk they were voicing that they wanted to be the other binary gender. While dysphoria can present in this way, kind of like a big flashing sign, for me Read more

The story began in Part 1: Exploration. The story continued in Part 2: Social Transition. And now, the conclusion. Where do we start? As soon as Jake knew he needed to transition we searched for any information about the medical process where we live. There was nothing online. The most reliable source of information came from Jake’s psychologist who is very involved with the trans community, including moderating a PFLAG group that we had been attending for Read more

The story began in Part 1 – Exploration. Coming out We started Jake’s coming out process with some preparation and planning, as usual. We made a list of the people he wanted to tell first starting with who would be easiest to tell and would likely be the most accepting. Telling them would hopefully give Jake the confidence and support he needed to tell the ones who’s acceptance would have a bigger impact and therefore, Read more

WHAT I ALREADY KNEW I am both male and female which leads to a fluctuating experience of gender centered at the middle of the spectrum The label ‘non-binary’ doesn’t particularly fit because it’s more like I’m dual-binary My physical sense of my gender and my social sense of my gender can be different from each other I experience both physical and social dysphoria but don’t know in what ways or how to manage them I Read more

Note: Since writing this post I have learned that the use of AMAB and AFAB to categorize people, especially nonbinary people, is exclusionary, reductive, and often not helpful in describing experiences in an accessible way. I am working to stop using these terms. I have chosen to leave this post up for now. If you feel strongly about what is written here please leave a comment or send me an email. I appreciate your input. Read more

initial reaction We were driving in the car together (the place a lot of our more intense conversations happen) and my husband turned to me and said something like “I’ve been wondering lately if my social anxiety and awkwardness might be gender related…”. I wasn’t sure what he meant by that and tried to clarify. The conversation progressed something like this: Jake: “What if this means I’m trans? What if I won’t be happy unless Read more

Background I grew up in a liberal family in downtown Toronto. I was dressed in practical clothes that I could play around in outside – overalls, jeans, shorts and t-shirts, running shoes. I was surrounded by people of all types. I had a couple close family members who were gay and who had partners that were accepted as members of the family. I am fairly introverted and luckily, so is most of my immediate family Read more