Hello!
My name is Meaghan, or sometimes Ray. I am a genderqueer AFAB (assigned female at birth) individual. I currently use female pronouns for the most part, though I prefer they/them and will make this known when I’m in queer spaces/groups. My sense of gender is that I have both a complete female gender and a complete male gender that exist in harmony, with one more dominant at times than the other. This experience of gender started around Grade 10 but I am just now taking the time/space/energy to fully reflect and explore it (age 30). I love to read, write, play board games, and be in nature.
I married my lovely husband in 2013 who started transitioning from female to male in 2015. We have been navigating this process together and have kept each other sane(ish) – so far. We live in Alberta, Canada with a lovely dog and three cats, all rescues, and hope to have a baby on the way soon.
Why I am writing this blog
I am currently exploring my own gender identity and learning how to manage a fluctuating sense of where I sit on the gender spectrum and fluctuating dysphoria. There are a few good non-binary (NB) resources that I have been using but there definitely needs to be more. I am hoping that by being transparent about my own experiences I will help others who are going through this or help family and friends understand their person a bit better.
When my husband started talking about dysphoria and the possibility of being trans we scoured the internet for information. We needed language to discuss what he was experiencing and explain it to ourselves, our family and friends, and the necessary medical professionals. We wanted to know what to expect, how to figure out what would make him more comfortable, what transitioning would be like, and all the steps involved. With a bit of work we found lots of good information on the FTM (Female to Male) experience. Unfortunately, there was little to no information on what it was like for the partner of the trans individual. So here I am, hoping to be a resource for others at a time when they need it most and when I could have used it.
My plan for this blog
I will try to post something every week. Posts will fall into four categories:
- Personal (my own gender identity and exploration process),
- Partner (the experience of being the partner to someone who is transitioning),
- Society (my experiences and observations about the gendered nature of society), and
- Guest (the occasional guest post from my husband and other friends on whatever gender related topic they choose).
I will try to alternate categories but will likely post out of order sometimes.
If you are new to some of this terminology or looking for other useful resources, check out the Resources Page.
You can find posts that are relevant to you by looking at a specific category in the menu, clicking on a topic in the list of Tags, or searching for latest posts or earlier posts in the archive.
I hope to develop a dialogue with people who are reading this blog and will monitor the comments and respond as often as I can to keep the communication lines open.
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Disclaimer
This is an account of my experience of my husband’s transition from female to male and my experiences of exploring my own gender. Everyone’s experiences as partners will be different just as every trans or non-binary person’s experience is different. Parts of this may resonate with you, whether you are a partner, a trans or non-binary person, or a family member or friend of someone who is transitioning or gender non-conforming. But parts of it may be wildly different from your experiences or those of the trans person you know. And that’s ok. This is only one person’s experience. No experience is more or less valid.
A significant portion of this blog describes my husband’s experiences. Before I post anything that involves him he reads it and makes any edits he wants to. I will never post anything that relates to him, sensitive or not, without his permission.
I hope you find this blog helpful for whatever you are going through that brought you to this page.
