Let’s Talk Gender S1E8: Legal Transition

OVERVIEW

We start by talking about Meaghan Ray’s thoughts on top surgery because we didn’t have time in the previous episode. Then we talk about Jake’s process of changing his legal name and gender marker, Meaghan Ray’s role as his partner through that process, and Meaghan Ray’s thoughts on potentially changing their name and gender marker in the future.

This is the last episode in this series which has focused on the various stages of transition as we have experienced them so far. We will be taking a break and will return with a new series in the future.

SHOW NOTES

Meaghan Ray’s Thoughts on Top Surgery

• Some NB people will get top surgery without testosterone, take testosterone but not have top surgery, or do both.
  • I have a harder time relating to the NBs that do both because I am genderfluid and have a significant female component to my gender
• I don’t feel the need to wear a binder all the time
  • When I have top dysphoria it isn’t debilitating, just irritating
• Having top surgery to have a flat chest doesn’t feel right for me at the moment but I would consider having a breast reduction
  • Enough that I wouldn’t need to wear a bra if I didn’t want to and could get the appearance of a flat chest fairly easily but could also wear a bra to have the appearance of breasts
• Got lots of good info from a talk at the Trans Philly Wellness Conference on top surgery
  • To get a more NB look you can look at various factors separately to mix and match more female-typical and male-typical markers
    • Contour
    • Overhang
    • Nipple placement
    • Nipple size
    • Shape of scars
    • Placement of scars
  • If you know what look you want with relation to all these things you just have to find a surgeon who knows how to do it!

Jake’s Legal Transition

• Jake started to live ‘full time’ in May 2017 which is when he also started HRT
• Saw gender psychiatrist in July
  • Received generic form to certify that he is transitioning and said it would make sense to amend his sex on any ID
  • Also can be used to explain why he might look male when his ID still says female
  • This document counts as the ‘medical letter’ that was required to change provincial ID
    • No longer required!
• Went into registries in August
  • Found out he had to get fingerprinting done to get his legal name change and needed to apply for a legal name change before
• Got fingerprints done
• Applied for legal name change in August
  • If he was born in Alberta, could have gotten birth certificate and marriage certificate done all at once but he wasn’t so the process was even more convoluted
  • Received certificate in the mail in October
  • Got a new driver’s license!
• Had to apply for marriage certificate from Nova Scotia
  • Took two tries for them to get it right
• Tried to submit for a new SIN card which eventually was returned saying that he needed to change his birth certificate first
• Hardest part was birth certificate
  • New Brunswick hadn’t changed their laws yet – still required proof of ‘sex reassignment surgery’
  • Need an updated birth certificate to get updated passport
• Was stuck in limbo with a drivers license that didn’t match his passport and a passport that didn’t match how he presented
  • Made it too unsafe for us to travel to the states and had to cancel a trip we had planned
• Getting banking info was also convoluted and for some reason he still can’t order cheques without the wrong name coming up
• His workplace wouldn’t update his name in their system until his SIN card had been changed (which required the birth certificate again)
• Wrote a letter to an MLA in New Brunswick about how frustrated he was and how many problems this archaic law was causing (December 2017)
  • Heard back at the beginning of February that it was already in the works
  • They ended up emailing and calling him to tell him that the forms were up and how to apply
  • Was very lucky in his timing because if he had started any earlier he still would have waited for this law to change and would have spent even more time stuck with mismatched documents and old work ID
  • Finally got it back in March 2018
  • Allowed him to update his passport and SIN card which he received in May 2018 – one year after coming out
• In the meantime, he had found a way around the issues at work
  • Concerns with payroll’s info not matching his banking info and a T4 being issued in the wrong name
  • Got in contact with an HR Diversity and Equity person who had all his work stuff changed over in two months (done in December 2017)
    • As random things kept coming up he would contact her again and she would fix it super quick
    • Had been out since May and had lots of co-workers wondering why they couldn’t find him in the system to send him an email and he kept having to tell them to look under the old name
      • Very long 8 months
• Found several resources for recently married people with lists of documents you need to get changed once you change your name
  • Land title, mortgage documents, credit score, etc
  • Super helpful but often ran into problems where the forms or procedure for changing the document did not include either change of first name or change of gender marker
  • Felt like he had to tell his life story and out himself as trans in order to get the document changed (over and over)
• Situations keep coming up
  • Recent election – two voter cards showed up, one under each name, tried to get it changed, just caused confusion
  • Now that he passes as male people are even more confused because they can’t compute that he ‘used to be a woman’
  • Still can’t order cheques at the bank – has given up on that one after going in person and calling on the phone many times
  • Had to contact the city because he was getting his old name coming up during a job application and in emails despite applying under his current name
    • Had a fast, positive response and got it fixed quickly
• In general was he was burnt out and apprehensive from having to go back to the same places over and over, never knowing what response he would get, if he would get different info from the previous time
  • He was super strategic about which locations he went to and at what time of day because he knew it would take a while and didn’t want there to be a long line of other people behind him listening to him explain his life story
• No overt transphobic experiences (hurray for Canada!)

Partner Experience During Legal Transition

• Provided support and encouragement
• Gave permission for him to take some time away from working through the long list
• Would have gone with him as a buddy to all the various offices if our schedules allowed
  • Moral support
  • Safety
• For parents: call ahead to medical offices to ensure they have the proper name and pronouns in their system before your kid arrives
  • Old information can keep popping up depending on when the last time was that you interacted with that particular medical office/hospital
• Had to change Jake’s information on my benefits plan
  • The form had a list of reasons that did not include transition so I had to write it in
  • Did not have a space to indicate a change of gender marker
  • Had to call them multiple times to correct it as they returned various iterations

Meaghan Ray’s Plans for Legal Transition

• Could change provincial documents to ‘Meaghan Ray’ and X
  • May do this some day but it’s a lot of work and not necessary for now
• Could change national documents to ‘Meaghan Ray’ and X
  • Would be more dangerous to travel internationally to places that don’t recognize that as a gender marker
• Potential incentive was to get it changed before having a kid because we can’t change parent’s names on your kid’s birth certificate
  • However, it’s only first and last names that appear on the birth certificate, no gender marker, and we can choose the parental labels that we use (mother, father, or parent for either or both of us)
• So for now, the emotional cost of changing anything out-ways the benefit for me

This brings our series on transition to a close. We will be back sometime in the future with a new series and hopefully some guests! Stay tuned!

RELATED POSTS

• Talking About Your Gender Identity: When, Why, and How
• Name Options
• What’s in a Name and How to Pick One
• How to be Respectful Towards a Trans Person
• Dealing with Frustration
• My Husband’s Transition – A Partner’s Perspective (Part 3: Medical and Legal Transition)

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