Explaining what dysphoria feels like to cis people is always difficult. In order to try to understand they relate it to their own experiences of discomfort with body image or not fitting the stereotypes for their gender. While these experiences are generally in the right ballpark, they are still not the same as dysphoria.
Here are some of the phrases I have found that help:
- Wearing an ill-fitting piece of clothing that you can’t take off
- Constantly having an itch that you can’t scratch or that gets worse when you try
- Having pins and needles that range from annoying to distracting to uncomfortable to painful
- Not recognizing yourself when you look in the mirror
- Feeling queasy when you see/touch/pay attention to a particular area of your body
- Feeling like a part of your body does not really belong to you
- Feeling like ants are crawling all over your skin
- Feeling like you want to peel your skin off
When trying to describe the impact of dysphoria:
- Constantly having part of your mind focused on something uncomfortable that is out of your control
- Feeling like you’ve been pinched every time you are misgendered by someone who doesn’t know any better (someone who you are not out to)
- Feeling like you’ve been punched every time you are misgendered by someone who you’ve told to use other pronouns
- Feeling invisible or like the only parts of you that people see are the ones that don’t feel right to you
- Feeling like you have to pull yourself inwards so that you take up even less space than your physical body does
- Wishing you could escape your body or other people’s view of you for a few minutes, or an hour, or a day
- Causing you to hyper-focus on the areas of your body that do not fit with your gender identity/are the cause of other’s misgendering you
- Obsessing over ways to alleviate the dysphoria either temporarily or permanently
It can be very difficult to understand an experience that you yourself have never had and likely will never have. But the important thing to remember is you don’t need to fully understand it to believe that what the person is describing is true to their experience or respect their identity by using their correct name and pronouns.
We often need help to fight the thoughts that arise from dysphoria. This does not mean we need someone to tell us that our body is fine, that they don’t think of us as ‘a girl’ or ‘a boy’, or that we shouldn’t feel the need to make permanent changes. The fact often is that our body or the way we are addressed socially DOES feel wrong and we do want to make changes. What we don’t need to be thinking is that we are somehow lesser or incomplete or unworthy of love because we don’t fit with society’s expectations of our gender.
The most harmful effects of dysphoria are the thoughts that we are wrong or broken or gross or incomplete and that the only way to fix ourselves or find love (either from ourselves or others) is to conform to society’s expectations. What we need is the space to figure out and pursue the treatment and support we need to change or adjust our bodies and the way we are addressed in society to diminish the dysphoria and feel as much congruity as possible.
I hope this helps you find the words you need to explain dysphoria to the cis people in your life or, if you are a cis person, helps you understand the experiences of the trans people in your life.
What phrases have you found that help you describe dysphoria to cis people? Leave me a comment below and I will add them to the list above!